My Marriage is in trouble - I need help

These days, the divorce rate in the world is so high that kids actually find it a norm now that their parents are getting a divorce. I heard it's as high as 1 in every 2 families in certain countries. What's more the rate is similar even in the Christian circles. What is happening to us? Aren't we suppose to be salt and light of the world? Instead we are the world. No difference.

My pastor again gave me some insights into how a marriage should be like in Christ. I think his words may ruffle some feathers but to me they are the truth and anybody rejecting the truth is a fool and hard-hearted. No different from the Israelites in the Old Testament. Here I will give an overview of what he said as I do not have my notes with me ... only what I can recall.

When we step into a relationship, i'm sure most of us have an idea where we would like the relationship to go to. Many Christians use the word 'courtship' rather than 'dating' as courtship signifies a relationship that has a purpose and intent and it's going somewhere rather than just 'dating' with no purpose.

When we say 'I do' to marriage .. did we ever think 'What's God's purpose for this marriage?', 'What's God's will for this marriage?'. A marriage without God's purpose is a pathway to destruction. When God looks at us, He sees our destiny, His perfect will for us. For e.g. 'When the angel of the LORD appeared to Gideon, he said, "The LORS is with you, mighty warrior' Judges 6:12. Or 'Jesus replied, "Blessed are you, Simon son of Jonah, for this was not revealed to you by man, but by my Father in heaven. And I tell you that you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of Hades will not overcome it. I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven; whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven." Matthew 16:17-19. For these two men when these words are spoken, they are definitely not what the world will call as great leaders. But in the eyes of God, they have been chosen. The good news is, so have we.

Many of us get into marriage because we are so 'in love'. We think that this is 'the one' for us. However, Jesus did not say everyone who's in Him will not face any troubles or persecution. Instead He said, 'I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.' John 16:33. There will be problems in working out marriage, there will come times of doubt, there will be lots of anger, dislike, quarrels and even contempt but remember that when we chose to get married, we made a vow for the better or worse, richer or poorer, sickness or in health till death do us part. Love is not a feeling. Love is a choice. Jesus is the best example of loving us not with feelings but with a choice. When people rejected Him, He did not throw in the towel and said, 'I had enough with you. I don't want you as my bride anymore.' He did not stop going to the cross eventhough it's the very people that He came to save that crucified Him. Instead He chose to keep loving us though we were sinners.

In marriage, we have to make the constant choice to choose life. Even when things are not well, choose life. Asking for a divorce is choosing death. 'This day I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live 20 and that you may love the LORD your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him. For the LORD is your life, and he will give you many years in the land he swore to give to your fathers, Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.' Deut 30:19-20.

Remember that our God is Almighty and sovereign. When we get married, He is still in control and if the person we get married to is not the one we were suppose to marry, do we think God was not able to stop the marriage from happening? I think the problem is, are we submissive to God's will or do we only want to please ourselves that when things do not go the way we want then we think we have made the wrong choice and have not followed God's will? I believe that God will not allow us to bind ourselves and become one with a person that He has not ordained when we love Him and belong to Him. He is a loving God. "So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened. "Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead? Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!" Luke 11: 9-13.

Remember, 'Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?" "Haven't you read," he replied, "that at the beginning the Creator 'made them male and female,' and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh'? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate." "Why then," they asked, "did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?" Jesus replied, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery." Matthew 19:3-9.

If we proceed to ask for a divorce, this means we are hard-hearted. Then the question comes, 'Is Jesus really the Lord of our life?" Or do we only call Him 'LORD' only when it suits us? 'Someone asked him, "Lord, are only a few people going to be saved?" He said to them, "Make every effort to enter through the narrow door, because many, I tell you, will try to enter and will not be able to. Once the owner of the house gets up and closes the door, you will stand outside knocking and pleading, 'Sir, open the door for us.'"But he will answer, 'I don't know you or where you come from.'"Then you will say, 'We ate and drank with you, and you taught in our streets.'"But he will reply, 'I don't know you or where you come from. Away from me, all you evildoers!'"There will be weeping there, and gnashing of teeth, when you see Abraham, Isaac and Jacob and all the prophets in the kingdom of God, but you yourselves thrown out.' Luke 13 23 - 28. Please choose life before we find ourselves thrown out from God's kingdom. Marriage is a choice, Love is a choice, Making things work is a choice. Do not throw in the towel just because we think we can't take it anymore, because Christ has promised that 'The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, He will show you a way out so that you can endure.' 1 Cor 10:13.

We are in Christ. He did not give up on us, neither should we give up on Him. Our marriage is ordained by God. He has a purpose for it. Make that purpose our guide through marriage. Be blessed in your marriage. Amen.